March is Cerebral Palsy (CP) Awareness Month and the butterfly is the chosen symbol. I’ve always loved butterflies. They’re a symbol of resurrection, endurance, change, hope, and life. CP is so limited. It can't cripple love, it can't shatter hope or corrode faith. It can't destroy peace, or limit friendship. It can't damage memories, silence courage, conquer the spirit or delay joy. But people can.
I’ve gone through a lot, I've overcome a lot and as a result, I have a love/hate relationship with the limitations I have due to my CP. I love my limitations because they have made me strong, courageous, stubborn, compassionate, and determined to make a difference. I hate my limitations because they can cause self-doubt and because of them, I have always had to work extra hard to prove myself - I get very tired of that. Yes, I have limitations but they are only a small part of me and although I wouldn't be me without them, they DON'T define me. I am so much more than my limitations or my circumstances.
Like some people with disabilities, I also struggle with being an inspiration, ironic since I’ve written a book described as heartwarming and inspirational. I think I struggle with it because I don’t see myself as different or disabled. I am uniquely able and I want to be accepted and seen as an equal (i.e. I’m your coworker, not your inspiration). I still want to be accepted and seen as an equal, but when I read Joni Eareckson Tada’s devotional “Audiovisual Aids”, I gained a new perspective on being an inspiration. Joni talks about how God uses those who struggle, but continue to persevere as a way to strengthen others (Philippians 1:25). I smiled – thankful for this perspective. I never thought of it that way!
I’m still struggling to find a job in social work and I’m also having difficulty marketing my book and booking paid speaking engagements. It’s very hard to see myself taking steps to move forward, only to keep spinning my wheels, like a hamster. Because I keep getting stuck, it’s hard to find the strength to keep going. Yet somehow I do, and I know that the testing of faith produces perseverance/endurance (James 1:2-4; see also Romans 5:3-4, Romans 12:12, Romans 8:28 and Psalm 119:50). Now, can you see why I love butterflies?
Everyone has trials they must choose to overcome if they want to have happiness and joy in life and I’m no different. If I inspire or encourage you, great! However, I hope it's because of the person I am, not because of what I have had to overcome.
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